8 Months...Missing my Grant

Tomorrow April 30th will be 8 months since Grant passed away!  That little guy has been a part of our lives for 16 months.  Even though it has been 16 months i feel like he has always been a part of our lives...i think it is because for so many years we prayed, longed and hoped for him...even though we did not know him we dreamed of him, dreamed of being his mommy and daddy.

At the 8 month mark of Grant dying and going to be with Jesus..i am feeling so much thankfulness in my heart.  I am thankful to the Lord that he heard my prayers and gave me my firstborn son Grant.  I am thankful that i got to experience all the joys of pregnancy with him.  Don't get me wrong i love my husband with all my heart but being Grant's mommy gave me the ability to be filled with a love that is so pure and so BIG and so powerful.  I am so thankful that i got to hold his beautiful perfect body in my arms...stroking his soft skin and holding his hand while telling him how much i love him. 

I wish to God that Grant was alive right now and that i was given the opportunity to raise him and watch him grow into the man of God that i knew he would become.  But that was taken from me. But I'm learning that if i focus on what was taken from me i wont be able to see and appreciate what has been given to me.  And what was given to me was the gift of being his mom.  The gift of knowing him even though it was for a short time, the gift of joy and hope and also for the gift of sorrow which in turn is changing me..

8 months ago we said goodbye to Grants earthly body...a body that i love and still visit weekly...but so thankful that it was not our final goodbye.  Even though it may feel like forever here on earth...when i am standing before my Lord with my boys in my arms it will feel like a blink of an eye as if no time has passed. 

Thank you Lord for showing me these things as i continue to walk this road with you.