New Years

I can't believe that this Friday will be 4 months since Grant passed away! And i also cant believe that this is the last week of 2011.  To be honest with you all 2011 has been the best and worst year of my life.  I have so many mixed emotions.  It was the year that i became pregnant with my precious son, bonding with him for 8 months and learning how deep and powerful a love between a child and parent is. Those moments were priceless.  But we all know why it is also the worst, it was also in that year that Grant passed away, it became the worst 4 months of my life (sep-dec.)  I thought that Grant would be with us as we began the new year 2012 but sadly he is not and i miss him so much.

I don't know what 2012 holds for me, i don't even know what tomorrow holds.  But i serve a God who does know and who has and will continue to walk with me on this journey.  Will there continue to be hard days and moments that hurt and make me want to crawl under my covers and hide?  you bet there will be, when i have those moments i know i can hold on just a little tighter to the hand of God as i face things. I also know, somewhere somehow in 2012 there will be times of joy and happiness that will come to me. I serve a good and loving God, even though i don't know why he allowed for my son to die and at times i get so angry at him for allowing it to happen,  I still know he loves me so much and will always be there for me.

 I cant fear 2012 and all its unknowns but i can embrace it, live in it and trust that God has a plan and a purpose for my pain.  I will try daily to live a life that reflects the Lord, i want to live a life that is grateful for what i do have, I want to trust the Lord, even though its hard for me at times.

So as i reflect on 2011 with a heavy and grateful heart i pray that God will bless each one of you with an amazing New Year.