11 months! We are one month away from when my beautiful baby boy Grant was born and went to be with Jesus August 30th 2011.
Grant Thomas Moore right after he was born and went to be with Jesus
In the past (almost) year i have been a very reflective person...something that i have noticed about "The Old Me" the me before my sons passed away is i was a person who only really came to the Lord when i needed him. I have served the Lord my whole life, but i see that i used Him only when i thought i needed Him. Truth is i always needed Him but i was so focused on my self and my surroundings and wanting to be in control of everything that i only went to Him when it was a situation that was out of my control. That makes me so sad that i did that because i missed out on so much!
After my sweet baby boy Grant passed away i choose to cling to the Lord and even when things were going good in my life, for example when i so quickly got pregnant with my 2nd son Zachary i still went to the Lord daily...asking Him to be in control of my day of my life, i would seek his face daily. In the process i fell deeply in love with Jesus...its a feeling i cant explain...i have loved Jesus since i was 4 years old but i am now so deeply, passionately in love with Christ. When i went into pre-term labor with Zachary at 16 weeks, i felt all the same feelings of loss and grief that i experienced with Grant...but it was different...because even though i did not understand and my heart was broken i looked to Jesus in my brokenness and was filled with his perfect peace and love.
This past year has brought a heartache that i pray to God you will never have to face...but through it all my relationship with Jesus has been made stronger, He is my rock that i stand upon when my world starts shaking. He is my foundation that i put my hope and trust in when it seems like everything is falling apart. He is my closest friend whom i can cry out to and know that He knows, He understands and He weeps with me holding me close in his arms. He is providing a great healing to my heart, a healing that can only come from Him. When i feel too weak to take the next step He is there giving me a strength that is greater then i on my own could have. He knows my future, my purpose and He promises to guide me and revel things to me in His timing not my own.
I am noticing that as i continue to take steps forward the Lord is blessing me, He is providing great opportunities and bringing people into my life that are such an amazing blessing. Last blog i mentioned that i had a breakthrough with feeling joy and taking the next step without feeling guilt and in that course of the week the Lord has blessed my husband and i SO much. I am excited to see what God does and how He works everything out for His purposes and Plans.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
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