Tom holding Grant right after he was born
Tom holding Zachary in his casket
This weekend is Fathers Day. My heart is full of sorrow knowing that our 2 son's will not be here to celebrate and honor their daddy on this day. My heart aches knowing that Tom will not get the chance to raise our boys. I know he would have always held them in his arms, watching cartoons with them, telling them at least 20 times a day how much he loves them, he would be chasing Grant around the house...(by now Grant would be mobile and would have been crawling everywhere!) Trying to teach them rhythm with little baby drum sets :) Hearing their laughter echo through our home would have been the most amazing sound ever!
But those dreams and hopes are gone....and we are learning to let those dreams go....we will never let our sons go...but the dreams we had for their lives are what we are learning to release. It is hard.
When both of our boys were born the memory's that stick out to me the most is that of Tom holding them in his arms and walking around the hospital room, talking, praying and singing over their bodies...pouring his love out to them, with tears of sorrow flowing down his cheek. It was a beautiful sight and i can't wait til i can see Tom holding them in heaven..this time they will be alive and i can only imagine what Joy's we will feel in that moment!
I love and cherish the memory that i have of memorizing their precious bodies. Grant and Zachary had my nose but everything else was Tom. If you looked at our baby pictures Grant looks like a mini Tom (except tom was bald as a baby and Grant had LOTS of hair)
Even in death Tom is an amazing Dad to our son's. When it was time to bury them he did everything in his power to make sure they got the best of everything, that they were honored. Even now once a week he takes the time to clean their gravestone..making sure they look nice. I wish that this Fathers Day was different...but we have a gentle peace knowing that our boys are with our heavenly father, that He is holding them in his arms.
Happy Father's day to my amazing husband!
It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.
Eileen Knight Hagemeister
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.
Eileen Knight Hagemeister
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