Mothers Day.........

Today is 2 months since Zachary went to be with the Lord and it is almost 9 months since Grant's arrival in heaven. Where has time gone? I can't believe that it has been that long!  Today is also mothers day.  It is hard not having my boys with me right now...being a mom to children who are in heaven is so hard.  You have that peace in your heart that they are safe in the arms of the Lord but the other part of me wants them in my arms right now...well i want Grant in my arms and Zachary in my tummy!  I ache for them from every core and fiber in my being...i miss them more then words can say.

I went to the cemetery today to spend time with my boys...even though i know its just their bodies that are in the ground that they are alive in heaven...i just wanted to be close to those little bodies that i carried within me, those little bodies that i held in my arms and love because they are part me and part my husband. 

When i was spending time at the boys graves i looked around me and God really spoke to my heart.  The first thing was that i noticed a tree that was in "baby land" where the boys are buried....last week it was full of white blossoms but today they were gone and they were replaced by green leaves.  When i looked at the tree i could not believe that in just a few short days the tree could change so much!  But i felt the Lord whisper to my heart that life will change, it wont stay the same it will always be changing, some for the good and some for the bad, but that He would never change, as much as i feel like life is whizzing by me He is the same, and when i feel overwhelmed i just need to take that moment to remember that Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever and that is the one thing i can count on in a world that is full of so much unpredictability.

The second thing he showed me is that today on Mothers Day i am not the only one hurting, those who have lost children are not the only ones that feel sorrow and pain on this day.  I looked around me and the cemetery was the fullest i had ever seen! There were so many people there and you know what they were doing?  They were visiting their Moms, their Grandmothers, their wives....the women in their lives who they loved that are no longer living, and those people were hurting, wishing that their loved one could be here in order to celebrate mothers day.  So to anyone who is reading this blog and you have a mother or a women who you honored in that role in your life who is no longer with you i want you to know that i am thinking about you and acknowledging your pain that you feel today.  A friend of mine sent me this verse and i want to close with it:

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (the Message)