5 Months

Today is 5 months since we said goodbye to Grant.  Sometimes i cant believe that it has been 5 months and then there are times where i feel like it was 5 years ago.  Right now if Grant would have lived he would have a beautiful 3 month old. 

I have found that my grief is not as intense as it was before, i am still grieving...i will ALWAYS grieve for my son, but the deep, paralyzing grief i have had is fading slowly.  I find myself thinking wow its been a week since i cried and then i start to feel guilty.  I know i should not feel guilty the Lord does not want me to feel this way and i know Grant would not either.  This is a lifetime journey.  Its hard, so hard but I'm choosing to walk each day with my Lord, trusting that each moment will get easier, each step i take will go further with Him by my side.

Right now on the 5th month anniversary of his birth/death i am sitting here and just missing my beautiful baby boy, loving him and most importantly remembering him.