1 Year

 

video of Grant

 

August 30, 2012

 

Dear Grant,

I miss you so much baby! I want you to know that I think about you all the time, you are always in the forefront of my thoughts and so present and strong in my heart. Never in my life have I wanted anything more than you! My heart is so broken that you were not able to stay here on earth. I want you back, I want you in my arms right now, but I know that I have to wait until it is my turn to go to heaven before I can hold you again.

The eight months that I carried you, I want you to know, were the happiest times of my life. I miss you kicking me and reacting to loud noises at the movie theater. I will always remember when we saw the “Planet of the Apes” preview and it was so loud. You kicked me every time the volume increased. I miss how you made me crave chocolate cake! I hate cake and that is all I wanted to eat when I was carrying you! I miss your soft skin and your cute little button nose. I miss your stubborn personality. Whenever they would try to take an ultrasound, you never cooperated! Although, you did show us you were a boy right away! I just miss everything about you! I had so many hopes and dreams for you Grant.

I wish you could have seen your nursery; I decorated it in classic Winnie the Pooh with blue and green accents. You would have loved our dog Zoey and Samson the cat; they would have been your best buds. I so wish that you could have met all the family and friends that were looking forward to meeting you and that love you so much. But I know that in heaven you are with our loved ones who have passed. I hope Jesus told you about me and your daddy and how much we love you.

You, my son are so special and so important to me. Even though death separates us right now, my love for you continues to grow stronger every day because you are my son. I want you to know that if I was able to, I would have laid down my life if it meant you could have lived. But you are home, you are with Jesus now and as much as my heart grieves and longs for you, I know that you are ok, you are more than ok, you Grant are perfect.

Even though I only had eight short months with you, I look forward to a time when I will have all of eternity to get to know you and hold you and just love on you. I will miss you and grieve for you until I see you again. Grant, I will ALWAYS remember you. Forever and for always I will love you my sweet baby boy.

Love you to the moon, and back again,

Mommy